A Headless Body Production
All Quiet on the Martian Front After Action Report: Martian Civil War
Location: Garth's Cave
Game: All Quiet on the Martian Front
Players: Jack Seydow: The Thunderbirds.
Garth Parker: Mobile forces of Pod 2, Hive 5A (फली 2, हाइव 5A)
Bruce Potter: Monty's Pythons
Stephen Turn: The Mobile forces of Pod 4, Hive 124 (फली 4, हाइव 124)
Phil Gardocki: Marvin's Martians, The "Illuminaries".(हास्यास्पद कार्टून चरित्र)
The Forces: The British Expeditionary Force, AKA the Thunderbirds, commanded by Colonel Jeff Tracy and his temporarily assigned Adjutant Lieutenant Cleese. On assignment to Canada to gather information on Martian hives and determine effectiveness of British Technologies. 6 Monotanks, 3 Tribarrel Kitcheners, 3 Imperials, supported by 2 squads of infantry armed with coil rifles and machine-guns. About 1,000 points in 6 units.
"Monty’s Pythons", the 2nd Squadron, 12th "Three Rivers” Regiment, 1st Canadian Armoured Brigade, commanded by Major “Lucky Pierre” LaRouche, who replaced Captain Palen, who was in hospital recovering from an encounter with a Bengal Tiger. Their forces consist of 12 Mk III's, about 980 points.
Elements of Pods कार्टून वर्ण प्रकाश की,
Scenario: Martian forces meet to discuss their political differences only to find their moot location occupied by human forces. The Martians only get points for other Martians killed.
The Board:Somewhere near a nexus point of 3 known Martian hive locations. But then, maybe not.
Game: All Quiet on the Martian Front
Players: Jack Seydow: The Thunderbirds.
Garth Parker: Mobile forces of Pod 2, Hive 5A (फली 2, हाइव 5A)
Bruce Potter: Monty's Pythons
Stephen Turn: The Mobile forces of Pod 4, Hive 124 (फली 4, हाइव 124)
Phil Gardocki: Marvin's Martians, The "Illuminaries".(हास्यास्पद कार्टून चरित्र)
The Forces: The British Expeditionary Force, AKA the Thunderbirds, commanded by Colonel Jeff Tracy and his temporarily assigned Adjutant Lieutenant Cleese. On assignment to Canada to gather information on Martian hives and determine effectiveness of British Technologies. 6 Monotanks, 3 Tribarrel Kitcheners, 3 Imperials, supported by 2 squads of infantry armed with coil rifles and machine-guns. About 1,000 points in 6 units.
"Monty’s Pythons", the 2nd Squadron, 12th "Three Rivers” Regiment, 1st Canadian Armoured Brigade, commanded by Major “Lucky Pierre” LaRouche, who replaced Captain Palen, who was in hospital recovering from an encounter with a Bengal Tiger. Their forces consist of 12 Mk III's, about 980 points.
Elements of Pods कार्टून वर्ण प्रकाश की,
2. 5ए पीआईओ ताकतों के
लिए मोबाइल का
छत्ता and
मोबाइल बलों के
4, 124 का छत्ता पीआईओ, 15 assault tripods, 3000 points.
Scenario: Martian forces meet to discuss their political differences only to find their moot location occupied by human forces. The Martians only get points for other Martians killed.
The Board:Somewhere near a nexus point of 3 known Martian hive locations. But then, maybe not.
Deployment:
The Humans start in the center of the board. The Martians arrive from 3 different edge sites.Preamble:
====================================================================
While Performing a reconnaissance in force, the combined forces of the British Expeditionary Force, AKA the Thunderbirds, and elements of the 1st Canadian Armoured Brigade are operating at the end of their logistical tether. The Canadian Steam Tanks of the 2nd Squadron, 12th "Three Rivers” Regiment, AKA Monty’s Pythons were kept operational by cannibalizing coal from other units. The Thunderbirds, which were powered by “Unspeakable forces” continued to roll forward, with the exception of a rather large number of mechanical failures. The unit commanders, Major “Lucky Pierre” LaRouche, who replaced Captain Palen, who was in hospital recovering from an encounter with a Bengal Tiger and Colonel Jeff Tracy, were conferring on observations and mission parameters. ====================================================================
Opening Dialog:
Colonel Jeff Tracy looked disgustedly at the map section marked “Terra Incognita” and declared, “We’re lost!”
“Of course ve are lost mon ami, this is Western Canada,” retorted Major LaRouche. “Ve cannot see the sun, or the stars, the compass points due east, the map is blank and other than asking directions from a chance encounter with a Sasquatch, the only way to know where you are is to drive west till you hit the ocean!”
“Or we could follow this dirt road towards the train whistle,” murmured Lieutenant Cleese.
Colonel threw a disgusted glance at the Lieutenant, before poking a finger in the Majors chest. "WHY, is this man my Adjutant," he asked.
"But Colonel, that is not his title, he is your Agitant, as in a person who causes or is involved with agitation. I thought English was your primary language and assumed you knew. Besides I thought your overbearing pompous Pommy ass could do with a bit of humiliation."
"I see, I'll assign him to John then. It is however, significant that we have seen no signs of Martian habitation this deep in occupied territory."
“Oui, that means they are concentrated on the edges of their conquests. Raiding forces should be able to operate freely here.”
"Especially with the Regiment stores all of 3 miles south of here," murmured Lieutenant Cleese.
“But against what? We have been circling an area that is a nexus of 3 hives for a week and seen nothing.”
“Not quite nothing, there was the Loup Garou!”
Colonel Tracy looked upon the sad looking wolf pelt that now draped Major LaRouche’s shoulders. The Major insisted it was some form of werewolf. The powder burn stains surrounded the four inch wide hole of the tank round that took it was in evidence. He sighed, there was no point in arguing that this was just some random animal, and not some legendary creature.
“This is what we are going to do. You will power down your steam tanks to conserve coal, put your men to chopping wood for power reserves, I’ll send my Monotanks in all directions out to the edge of wireless range. We’ll make a decision then.
"Or we could send a runner and have a brace of supply trucks here in an hour," continued Lieutenant Cleese.
Fire erupted, flaming a nearby Larch, followed by a Fir, and a then a Scots Pine. Plaid flanneled Canadians leaped from tree to tree, racing for their tanks. English officers, handed their batmen their tea cups, then tapped on the side doors of their vehicles, activating the mechanized chair/slides of their Officer Placement Systems (patent pending).
"Tripods reported North East!"
"Tripods reported West!"
"Tripods reported South East!"
"We are surrounded," exclaimed Major LaRouche!
"That just means it doesn’t matter which direction we attack," noted Colonel Tracy. "Thunderbirds are go!"
=======================================================================
Turn 1:
Since there were 5 sides to this scenario, each player rolled initiative. The order was Marvin's Martians, The Martian Mobile forces of फली 4, हाइव 124, the humans, and last, The Martian Mobile forces of फली 2, हाइव 5A.
Marvin's forces arrive and finding only humans to shoot at, vaporized a BEF Imperial tank and a Mk III.
The Martian Mobile forces of फली 4, हाइव 124, arrive and destroy a Mk III, causing the first morale failure, sending the surviving Mk III routing.
"Bugger this for a lark," shouted Lieutenant Idle. He slammed down his hatch, and ordered, "Stoke up the boiler mates, were out of here!"
Already the human players were grumbling how unfair the scenario was. Out positioned, outpointed 3-2, and light wood doesn't really offer cover to vehicles when...
Turn 2:
Rolling the initiative, and the turn sequence is almost the exact opposite of the first turn.
The Monotanks success seems to be a fluke, as 9 Mk III's fire 27 shots, and score nothing.
Turn 3:
The point vector is looking way bad for the Martians. Between them there is a three way tie at zero-zero-zero. Monty's Pythons have 600 points, and the BEF 400. With the scenario as designed, if Marvin's group is defeated, then the Martian Mobile forces of फली 4, हाइव 124 will not be able to score any points.
Later:
Marvin's Martians have the initiative, but are defeated. One tripod adroitly steps off screen. The other however has a mobility hit, which means there is a roll off who gets to move the tripod. Garth, aka the Martian Mobile forces of फली 2, हाइव 5A, wins the roll and moves the tripod in the mass of human tanks.
The plan works! The humans cannot resist firing at the damaged tripod in their midst. I explodes destroying 2 Monotanks and wiping out an infantry squad. This is too much for the BEF as they hit their army break point.
The Martian Mobile forces of फली 2, हाइव 5A follow up with a sweep of the heat ray, and pick up an entire platoon of Mk III's. This takes Monty's Pythons to their break point as well.
====================================================================
Popping the hatch of his Imperial Tank, Colonel Tracy surveyed the retreating Tripods. The closest Monotanks tipped over, their big wheels spinning gently in the breeze. Nearby, other tankers were evacuating their damaged tanks and shooting flairs to denote their status. A few red flares denoting wounded were in evidence. But it could have been worse. The vacuum spacing between the armor plates surrounding the crew compartments designed Sir James Dewar had done its work, distributing the heat around the tank before broiling the crew alive.
Lieutenant Cleese disembarked and started walking south.
"Isn't there something abrasive you have to say about this disaster", shouted the Colonel?
"No, Larouche only paid me for an hours worth of abuse, so I am on my own now."
"Where are you going then?"
"To find a pub!"
====================================================================
It was a screwy scenario, deliberately so, and fun was had by all. Technically the Martians have a tie with a score of naught apiece, but Garth's Pod 2, Hive 5A are the last group standing so can claim the win. But the humans were 600 to 800 points, so one of them won the game, but not the fight.
Opening Dialog:
Colonel Jeff Tracy looked disgustedly at the map section marked “Terra Incognita” and declared, “We’re lost!”
“Of course ve are lost mon ami, this is Western Canada,” retorted Major LaRouche. “Ve cannot see the sun, or the stars, the compass points due east, the map is blank and other than asking directions from a chance encounter with a Sasquatch, the only way to know where you are is to drive west till you hit the ocean!”
“Or we could follow this dirt road towards the train whistle,” murmured Lieutenant Cleese.
Colonel threw a disgusted glance at the Lieutenant, before poking a finger in the Majors chest. "WHY, is this man my Adjutant," he asked.
"But Colonel, that is not his title, he is your Agitant, as in a person who causes or is involved with agitation. I thought English was your primary language and assumed you knew. Besides I thought your overbearing pompous Pommy ass could do with a bit of humiliation."
"I see, I'll assign him to John then. It is however, significant that we have seen no signs of Martian habitation this deep in occupied territory."
“Oui, that means they are concentrated on the edges of their conquests. Raiding forces should be able to operate freely here.”
"Especially with the Regiment stores all of 3 miles south of here," murmured Lieutenant Cleese.
“But against what? We have been circling an area that is a nexus of 3 hives for a week and seen nothing.”
“Not quite nothing, there was the Loup Garou!”
Colonel Tracy looked upon the sad looking wolf pelt that now draped Major LaRouche’s shoulders. The Major insisted it was some form of werewolf. The powder burn stains surrounded the four inch wide hole of the tank round that took it was in evidence. He sighed, there was no point in arguing that this was just some random animal, and not some legendary creature.
“This is what we are going to do. You will power down your steam tanks to conserve coal, put your men to chopping wood for power reserves, I’ll send my Monotanks in all directions out to the edge of wireless range. We’ll make a decision then.
"Or we could send a runner and have a brace of supply trucks here in an hour," continued Lieutenant Cleese.
Fire erupted, flaming a nearby Larch, followed by a Fir, and a then a Scots Pine. Plaid flanneled Canadians leaped from tree to tree, racing for their tanks. English officers, handed their batmen their tea cups, then tapped on the side doors of their vehicles, activating the mechanized chair/slides of their Officer Placement Systems (patent pending).
"Tripods reported North East!"
"Tripods reported West!"
"Tripods reported South East!"
"We are surrounded," exclaimed Major LaRouche!
"That just means it doesn’t matter which direction we attack," noted Colonel Tracy. "Thunderbirds are go!"
=======================================================================
 | |
| The layout with most of the players. फली 4, हाइव 124 is close by, Marvin's Martians are by the rail line. फली 2, हाइव 5A is at the far end. Monty's Pythons are on this side of the road, while the BEF is on the other side. |
 |
| A close up of the human deployment. |
Since there were 5 sides to this scenario, each player rolled initiative. The order was Marvin's Martians, The Martian Mobile forces of फली 4, हाइव 124, the humans, and last, The Martian Mobile forces of फली 2, हाइव 5A.
Marvin's forces arrive and finding only humans to shoot at, vaporized a BEF Imperial tank and a Mk III.
The Martian Mobile forces of फली 4, हाइव 124, arrive and destroy a Mk III, causing the first morale failure, sending the surviving Mk III routing.
 |
| First blood to Marvin, taking out a BEF Imperial and a Mk III. |
 |
| Steve brings on the Martian Mobile forces of फली 4, हाइव 124. Because of the dense woods and the impassable lake, they concentrate into a firing line |
 |
| The Martian Mobile forces of फली 4, हाइव 124 score a single hit, leaving only Lieutenant Idle's command tank. |
Already the human players were grumbling how unfair the scenario was. Out positioned, outpointed 3-2, and light wood doesn't really offer cover to vehicles when...
 |
| A lucky shot from a 4" gun hits and blows up a tripod, damaging the war machine next to it. |
 |
| The BEF look for a similar compactness against Marvin's Martians. But he didn't get to be leader, alive and 3 by bunching up. |
 |
| "Who invited the humans? This makes me very angry, very angry indeed." |
 |
| The turn has rotated around to the Martian Mobile forces of फली 2, हाइव 5A. They take out a pair of tribarrel Kitcheners, routing the remaining Kitchener. |
 |
| Not to be dismayed, the BEF Monotanks charge from their dubious cover peppering Marvin's Martians with 24 shots. |
 |
| Causing only 4 points of damage to a single tripod. |
Rolling the initiative, and the turn sequence is almost the exact opposite of the first turn.
 |
| The Martian Mobile forces of फली 2, हाइव 5A targets one of Marvin's tripods |
 |
| But whether it be from the extra buff of shine, or perhaps a targeting of a nearby water tower, Marvin's forces seem to be resistant to the heat ray. |
 |
| The humans get their turn, and another tripod detonates, and another... |
 |
| Emboldened, the Monotanks charge out again, and another Tripod explodes, taking out two of Leftenant Gordon's strange vehicles. |
 |
| Marvin's panache proves not immune to the rapid firing guns. He takes 10 armor hits out of 11! |
 |
| With size 42 sneakers, Marvin beats a hasty retreat, "Oh! Mutiny makes me so angry!" |
 |
| There are only 8 tripods left on the board. |
 |
| Marvin's Martians have the initiative, but all their heat rays bounce off of the forces of फली 4, हाइव 124. |
 |
| The Mk III's of Monty's Pythons from a firing line, and once again fire 27 shots to no avail! |
 |
| Not wanting to waste a cannon shot, the BEF runs their infantry out to pick off the weakened armored tripods. |
 |
| And are successful. Marvin's tripod, now just a mass of metal, whirling to destruction, goes down. A surviving tripod suffers a mobility hit. This is significant later. |
Marvin's Martians have the initiative, but are defeated. One tripod adroitly steps off screen. The other however has a mobility hit, which means there is a roll off who gets to move the tripod. Garth, aka the Martian Mobile forces of फली 2, हाइव 5A, wins the roll and moves the tripod in the mass of human tanks.
 |
| Last Tripod standing for Marvin's Martians. |
 |
| The Martian Mobile forces of फली 2, हाइव 5A move in close for the kill. |
 |
| The humans strike and cause a minor amount of damage. |
 |
| "Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom! Oh, there it is." |
 |
| 1, 2, 3, all. |
Popping the hatch of his Imperial Tank, Colonel Tracy surveyed the retreating Tripods. The closest Monotanks tipped over, their big wheels spinning gently in the breeze. Nearby, other tankers were evacuating their damaged tanks and shooting flairs to denote their status. A few red flares denoting wounded were in evidence. But it could have been worse. The vacuum spacing between the armor plates surrounding the crew compartments designed Sir James Dewar had done its work, distributing the heat around the tank before broiling the crew alive.
Lieutenant Cleese disembarked and started walking south.
"Isn't there something abrasive you have to say about this disaster", shouted the Colonel?
"No, Larouche only paid me for an hours worth of abuse, so I am on my own now."
"Where are you going then?"
"To find a pub!"
====================================================================
It was a screwy scenario, deliberately so, and fun was had by all. Technically the Martians have a tie with a score of naught apiece, but Garth's Pod 2, Hive 5A are the last group standing so can claim the win. But the humans were 600 to 800 points, so one of them won the game, but not the fight.
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